Marriage. A union within some spiritual communities uniting two souls to become one. The ideal marriage would be having a sense of closeness every day, right?
Over time, work, children, and daily life activities can distance two people in a relationship. These factors, unfortunately, can lead to couples spreading further and further apart from one another.
How do you fix this?
Experts say that the first step is to go back to where you started: as friends. Staci Lee Schnell shares with PsychCentral that “Friendship helps married couples to feel safe enough to be more open with one another without worrying about being judged or feeling insecure.”
By going back to the basics and using DISC behavioral principles, you can begin to fall in love all over again.
Here are five ways to strengthen the friendship in your marriage:
1. Start small
Remember the honeymoon phase in your relationship when you just met? Would you send flirty messages or randomly call them just to hear their voice? Staying consistent with texting or calling can aid in communication tremendously. If your partner is an “I” DISC personality profile, being sociable is important. If you are not staying in constant contact with your “I” partner, they can start to feel rejected. Communication is vital in a relationship because the more you speak to each other, the better you will understand. Make sure daily that your partner knows you are thinking about them, whether it’s in the form of sending them a message or buying them something thoughtful randomly.
2. Express interest in conversations
When you first started dating your spouse, you probably felt an urge to know everything about them: their favorite color, what makes them cry, or even something as small as if they ever had a broken bone. Through the years, though, since you feel you have gained a familiarity with who they are entirely, you don’t possess the same interest when sharing a conversation. “D” DISC styles have a high ego and love to be the center of attention. Although it may be a boring subject that your spouse shares with you, listen, ask questions, and don’t be afraid to initiate a conversation first. For example, when having a conversation with a “D” personality style, pay attention and, when appropriate, compliment them on their ability to overcome challenging situations.
3. Make time for one another
Understandably, life can get in the way of staying connected physically and emotionally. The saying goes “if it’s not in front of you, you probably aren't thinking about it.” Scheduling a time for your partner reassures them that you are trying to make an effort to be in their presence. If you are an “I” or “D” behavioral style and your partner is a “C” or “S” DISC style, make sure to schedule date nights in advance. The passive “S” and “C” personality types don’t do as well with spontaneity. Being predictable will provide your relationship stability. If you’re pressed for time, allow thirty minutes to meet with one another without any distractions. Possible quick alone time activities can be sharing coffee in the morning, going on a short walk together, or meeting them for lunch at work.
4. Do not judge your partner
Although honesty in a relationship is essential, sometimes being too honest can lead to a downward spiral. When your partner feels comfortable in a relationship, it inspires liberation in a marriage. If you do have a critique and your spouse is a “C” personality style, be sure to be specific and word your response in a way not to be interpreted as criticism. For example, if your partner asks, “Do I look bad in this dress?” the honest answer could be “yes,” but the supportive answer should be, “you look wonderful, but maybe try another color to see if you want that dress.” Many couples agree that having the freedom to be yourself is one of the best feelings in a partnership.
5. Stop being controlling
Being demanding in a relationship can often lead to your partner feeling under-appreciated and annoyed. There is no “I” in team. Licensed marriage and family therapist, Liz Higgins, writes in the Huffington Post that the need to always win, always be right, and bringing your partner down can dilute the influence in the relationship and may push your partner away. Higgins writes, “Control is often a safety-net...though it is really just an illusion. You believe it gives you power, when really, it leaves you powerless.” “D” personality styles do not like being controlled. If they feel as though they do not have some autonomy in a relationship, they will feel taken advantage of. Allow them to have their freedom, like having a night out with friends or giving them space while doing a hobby.
Marriage is hard work, but being alone and losing the love of your life can be more challenging. PeopleKeys wants you to overcome the obstacles you face in a relationship and begin the journey of strengthening it. Reinvigorate your relationship and obtain closeness with your spouse once again with PeopleKeys’ Relationship Recharge Kit. Containing two DISC profiles, the “Body and Soul” book, co-authored by Dr. Sandy Kulkin, and a worksheet to discover together your unique strengths as a couple and how to communicate to each other’s DISC love language.
Are you looking to help couples strengthen their partnerships and marriages?
