Matters of the Heart

By Matylda Roszkowska on June 08, 2016

I'm an IDas in interested in people and inspirational and as in decisive and direct. I'm talkative, relational, informal, sharp, funny, egocentric, colorful, I can charm the pants of you if I find the idea entertaining enough, I will get the job done, I could successfully sell fridges at the North Pole, I like to feel appreciated, and to motivate people, I am not interested in power or competition, I'd rather just do things my way, a fun way, and not compromise on anything. Sounds like an almost perfect mix, doesn't it? A bit too much over the place and too superficial for most people, but still somehow appealing.

 

The problem is that, under professional pressure, my behavioral preferences change. Drastically. The proportions get inverted and I turn into a DI. Things are no longer that happy and fun. All of a sudden, deadlines and results matter more. I start thriving on pressure and challenges. I enforce decisions if they need to be made, independently of how it makes other people feel. I want to confront everyone, because it feels so good. I'm aggressive, painfully direct, and have zero tolerance for incompetence, sloppiness, and non-producers. This still could sound like a valuable combo to those who are results oriented, as long as they do not have to deal with me on a personal basis. And unless I do not make them feel bad about themselves.

 

And here is what I understood recently - I develop personal relationships with almost everyone I meet. I know the birthdays of my cobbler, my hair dresser, my dentist, the lady from the convenience store round the corner, the security guards at the places where I work, and so on. I know what makes them laugh, what makes them cry, and how to make them feel at ease. My mind, that officially hates details (my C is quite low and every time I need to focus on a lot of information, it gives me a headache), remembers a plethora of facts and pinpoints when I have to use them in social situations. It makes me ask questions to show I care. Because people matter to me and it is no longer much of an effort to remember tiny things. And these people treat me the same way. They show me respect, affection, and a willingness to help and make my life easier, especially in tough situations.

 

But guess what - they do not have the faintest idea of how I can raise hell when someone does not respect my work or time, how I tell off those who are unprofessional, or how demanding I can be. And this is precisely why they are so nice and helpful. True motivation is nurtured by appreciation, by understanding, by patience, by encouragement. When people feel valued, important, cared for, understood, listened to, they are ready to go to any lengths. For themselves and for you. Not because you ask them to, not because you force them to, not because they are expected to, but because they want to. It comes from the bottom of their hearts. You make them feel good about themselves and they want to do the same for you. That is a power that is unstoppable, that sees no limits, that does not take no for an answer. And it's in every one of us. It just longs to be unlocked. You just need to strike the right cord to get it out. And although different people are motivated by different things, the solution is one and simple - go for the heart!

About the Author: Matylda Roszkowska

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